btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
