i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
