Me. At least after what I've been through.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
