I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
