Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
