so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
