apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
