Is it normal to miss your booty call?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
