I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
