I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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