Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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