just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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