either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
