yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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