Walk of Shame. In a state park.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize