Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
