Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
