My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
we made out on top of his cat.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
