Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
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