i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
