I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
