All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
