There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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