a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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