i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
