anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
