At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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