Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
