You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
