I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
