So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
