I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
