He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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