I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
