Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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