Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
