like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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