I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
