So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He? As in you personified your dick?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
