Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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