Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
