i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
