They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
