I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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