"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
