A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
