They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
