ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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