omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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