I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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