The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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