you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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