you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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