Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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