I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
